Meet the Team Ride!!

Smokin' Grass!!

This is a great video from the 2011 Women's Cyclocross Championship of Europe.  The course is pretty unique, unlike anything you typically see in the World Cups or World Championship courses.

Championnat d'Europe cyclo-cross 2011 from Petitesreines on Vimeo.

The End of an Era

Well, I knew it was just too good to last. I've had a great run, sandbagging my way through four years of cyclocross.  Mechanicals, crashes, food poisoning, intoxication, I've done everything possible to keep my cross performance at a respectable level of mediocrity.  It's not easy to make it look like you're actually trying when in reality you're putting out just enough effort to get by and not totally embarrass yourself.  During my first year in the Master C's I was new to cross and trying way too hard.  I managed to get a few decent results and it looked like an upgrade to the Master B's was inevitable. Fortunately I found help:

Brian Jones' Complete Sandbag Training Course saved me from the dreaded upgrade. Utilizing Jones' patented method I managed to finish out that first season with a couple of top 100 places and the threat of being forced to race with people who actually take bike riding seriously was narrowly averted.

Over the next few seasons I took my sandbagging training to new heights. I purchased DVD's:

Found a fantastic group of training partners:

And even hired the man himself, Brian Jones, as my personal trainer:

(Disclaimer: this isn't a picture of the author of The Complete Sandbag Training Course, Brian Jones. This is actually the "other" Brian Jones. The famous rockstar, and original Rolling Stone, Brian Jones. And you have to admit, this is a great picture of him.). 

Right, so where was I? All was good in my cyclocross world. My palmares in those early years included epic 44th place finishes, sprinting for the line with doughnut eating dudes from Team Muffin Top (what ever happened to them by the way?). That's back in the day when I was rockin this look:

But then, something strange and incredible happened. It started last season, at the OBRA Cross Championships. All of a sudden, the entire Master C field started to really suck! They all collectively got really, really slow, seemingly overnight. I can testify to the fact that in four years I haven't gotten any faster, yet I seemed to be placing a lot higher in races. I tried everything I could to avoid getting top 5 finishes and risking my coveted Master C status. But to no avail. No matter how hungover I showed up to races, no matter how many times I crashed, or how many times I threw my chain, those damn Master C's just kept getting slower and slower. And so, on Monday of this week I got the bad news via the OBRA list serve. MANDATORY UPGRADE!  No congratulations, no peck on the cheek from the podium girls, not a shred of recognition for my long career of under achieving. Just a cold, impersonal email from Candi, my name listed with a handful of other equally unlucky slobs who  managed to place just a little too high in their second to last race of the year.

So, this Sunday at PIR I'll be lining up with the Master B's, doing my best not to get lapped.  If you see me out there this weekend looking like this:

I'm either a) looking for the leaders as they come pedaling by or  b) checking out how good my ass looks in my skinsuit!! Either way, cheer me on and feel free to offer up a beer, or two!! I'm gonna need to try a lot harder if I want to downgrade back to Master C's next year.

Halloween Cross

The annual Cross Crusade Halloween costume race is an event not to be missed, unless of course you spent the previous night rocking the Clydesdale Championship of the Universe. Since all of us Porto's who made it to Bend weigh in a fair bit shy of 200 lbs. we don't have that excuse going for us.  However, when race time came, only the Mighty Matt Cline answered the call. Cline had a little unfinished business to settle with this course. At Nationals last year Matt barely made it 100 ft. before a pedal/cleat malfunction forced him out of the race.  Yesterday, during Day 1 of racing here in Bend Matt made it about 200 ft. before he managed to throw his chain and wedge it between the chain ring and the chain keeper (I'm still not sure how he accomplished that). So today Matt vowed to complete an entire lap or he was gonna give up bike racing forever. Fortunately for us, he made it about 10 ft. past the line after completing his first lap before he flatted! Nice one Matt!! Victory tastes so sweet.  For the USGP this year (which will be raced here in Bend, on this same course) Matt has set his sights high. Two laps or bust is his new mantra.

Despite our team's lack of results today all of the Porto's in attendance had a good time. We were treated to some great racing without the hassle of actually having to race ourselves.

There were some great costumes out there today. The Grundel Bruisers came with a mariachi band theme, Dia de los Muertos style!

Don't let the Cowardly Lion costume fool you, Serena Bishop was fierce out on the course. She easliy won both of the Elite Women's races this weekend.

Adam Craig pulled out all the stops for his first ever Halloween Crusade race. He rocked that lime green body suit to a second place finish today, and only a flat tire stood int he way of him and a victory.

Here's my man Ross Brody, tearing it up in a homemade chicken suit. Ross has had a great season so far. The dude was moving so fast the feather were flying everywhere.

The Femmebots were out in force today, representing Team S&M Feminine!

And last but not least, one of my personal favorites, the Rock Racing rider, complete with IV and blood bag!!

A Dust Bowl Steinbeck Would Have Been Proud Of

Today it felt as if Burning Man met the Cross Crusade. I always considered my worst dust experience to be getting caught out on the playa at Burning Man in a sand storm. Completely lost, wandering around in a daze, coated from head to toe in a fine powder, I felt like I was right back in Black Rock City (minus the drugs, nudity, and large burning objects).

 The two members of Team Portobello that had the courage to brave the biblical dust storm survived the experience relatively intact.  Marc managed to keep his streak of crashing alive, he is now five for five in Cross Crusade races. Today's crash was fairly mild; the toll = a minor abrasion, a decent amount of swelling, no real blood to speak of, and the bike was still rideable. Plus he hobbled his way to ninth place so it couldn't have been too bad (despite the amount of whining he engaged in afterwards).

Cline managed to keep a streak of his own alive, but we'll report more on that after tomorrows race, Day Two of the Cross Crusade Day of the Dead Celebration!!

Ouch!!!!!!

Well, Jeff managed to crash, AGAIN. But this time he at least drew some blood.  Now, judging by Jeff's smile you'd think that the little scrape above his eye is just a little scratch, and all that blood is just much ado about nothing. So to dispel that myth I give you exhibit A:

The best part is that the flapper still has wood chips from the livestock pen that Jeff crashed in. Here, lets get a closeup of that, shall we?

Wow, lets hope Jeff's tetanus shot is up to date! I have to admit, I was a little bummed after he went to the first aid tent and got cleaned up.  Blood dripping down your face makes you look like tough, and our Jeff truly is tough. He's so tough that not only did he jump right back on his bike after his forehead plant, but he finished the race in a very respectable 32nd place. And he did it while smiling the whole time!  Yeah, I'm not just saying that either. He really was smiling the whole time!

You are awesome Jeff!! Glad to hear the damage wasn't too bad, nothing that a little crazy glue couldn't fix anyway.  Looking forward to seeing you back on the race course!!

PIR Part 1, Heron Lakes

Beer! Lots and lots of beer. This week was the first venue that allows beer, and Team Portobello took full advantage of that.  We weren't the only team to bring a keg, but we were the only team to use bike power to deliver their full-sized keg to the venue.  Mike Cobb, you are my hero!  Mike wasn't even racing, he just wanted to pitch in and support the team. Mike's cargo bike is rated to 425 lbs., and a keg only weighs in at 160, so we figure next time he needs to bring two kegs, to even out the load!

As for the racing, a bunch of us raced, and some did pretty good. Mark A. got his best Cross Crusade result of the year (ok he DNF'd at his only other Crusade race this year but he got robbed on that one) and his wife Shannon made some really awesome treats for us, so he gets this soulful, black and white picture of himself in the post.

Justin really did look like a guy who started drinking before his race, but he managed to finish and he beat some people too.  The rest of us did just fine. Brent still doesn't have a team skinsuit so were not posting his picture. Erik raced hard but his son raced harder than all of us combined. Marc and Jeff managed to crash a few times.  Marc left more skin on the course than Jeff, but Jeff managed to crash in front of a bigger crowd of people, so he wins.  We all managed to stay awake to watch the singlespeed race and I think Hutch did great, but I'm not sure. I nodded off near the end.  However, you can check our sensational results here: http://obra.org/teams/13084/2011

Rebecca raced her first cross race of the year (yes we do have women on the team) and she managed to get the best result of the day for Portobello! I was too busy picking gravel out of my flesh to get a picture of her racing so this picture of Tina Brubaker will have to suffice. Tina is cool and she has a cool bike. Some day I'd like to have a bike like hers.